See Also: CLEANLINESS

1. The big house ran like a Swiss clock — Rita Mae Brown
2. (The market is in absolute) chaos … like people running out on the field after a Mets game —Howard Farber, New York Times, October 5, 1986
3. The chaos described by Farber refers to the x-rated video industry.

   Chaotic as the floor of the stock exchange at the closing bell —William Diehl

4. (Chaos and) disorder is like a pebble in my shoe or loose hair under my shirt collar —Warren Miller
5. Disorder piles up like a (local California) mountain —Janet Flanner
6. Household ordered like a monastic establishment —Gustave Flaubert
7. Housekeeping, like good manners, is usually inconspicuous —Peg Bracken
8. Keeps house like a Dutch housekeeper —Anaĩs Nin

   The person whose neatness is likened to that of a Dutch housekeeper is novelist Henry Miller.

9. (The whole lot was) littered like a schoolroom after a paper fight —Mary Hood
10. Neat and bare as a Gl’s footlocker —George Garrett

    See Also: EMPTINESS

11. (Withered little Filipino men, as) neat and brittle as whiskbrooms —Fletcher Knebel
12. Neat and dustless as a good museum —George Garrett
13. Neat and soft as a puff of smoke —George Garrett

    See Also: SOFTNESS

14. Neat as a coffin —Anon
15. Neat as a cupcake —Laurie Colwin
16. (The little one-story house was as …) neat as a fresh pinafore —Raymond Chandler
17. Neat as a hoop —Rosellen Brown
18. Neat as a morgue —Wilfrid Sheed
19. Neat as an employee prepared to be given a pink slip and told to clear out his desk within half an hour —Elyse Sommer
20. Neat as a pin —American colloquialism

    This has its roots in the English expression “Neat as a ninepence,” and serves as continuing inspiration for catchy “Neat as” comparisons.

21. (House,) neat as a stamp collection —Marge Piercy
22. (He was) neat as a warm stone —Don Robertson
23. Neat as pie crust —Julia O’Faolain
24. (You are) rumpled like a sweater —Marge Piercy

    Another example of a simile used as an introducer, in this case a poem entitled Nothing More Will Happen.

25. Their rooms were neat as monk’s cells —Babs H. Deal
26. (He said that) the lawn and house should be neat and pass inspection … like a soldier’s bunk and beard —Mary Morris
27. Untidy … like a bird of paradise that had been out all night in the rain —Oscar Wilde

at sixes and sevens In a state of disorder and confusion; higgledy-piggledy; unable to agree, at odds. Originally set on six and seven, this expression derives from the language of dicing and is said to be a variation of set on cinque and sice. This early form of the expression dates from the time of Chaucer when it often applied to the hazardous nature of one’s fate in general. By the 18th century, the plural sixes and sevens was standard; earlier, the expression had undergone other changes: the verb set was dropped, at replaced on, and the applicability of the expression broadened to accommodate any situation or state of affairs. Although the OED authenticates the dicing theory as the source of this expression, many stories—some more plausible than others-have been related to explain its origin.

bollixed up Thrown into disorder or confusion; chaotic, topsy-turvy; messed up, bungled, flubbed. Ballocks ‘testes’ dates from 1000 and its variant bollocks from 1744. Bollix is close in pronunciation and related in meaning to bollocks although the former is used as a verb and the latter only as a noun. As a verb, bollix is akin to ball up ‘make a mess, bungle.’ The change in meaning from ‘testes’ to ‘confusion, nonsense’ is itself confusing and is a relatively development (late 19th century). Bollix and bollixed up date from the early 1900s.

catch-as-catch-can See UNRESTRAINT.

confusion worse confounded See EXACERBATION.

go haywire To go out of control, to go awry, to run riot; to go crazy, to go berserk, to go out of one’s mind. One source hypothesizes that the phrase derived from the unmanageability of the wire used in binding bales of hay. More reputable sources see its origin in the adjective haywire ‘poor, rough, inefficient’ (from the use of haywire for makeshift or temporary repairs). The phrase dates from at least 1929.

higgledy-piggledy In a confused state; topsy-turvy; helter-skelter. This amusing expression may have derived from the disheveled appearance of a pig sty.

hugger-mugger See SECRECY.

hurrah’s nest A confused jumble, an unholy mess. The first recorded use of this expression (hurra’s nest) appears to have been in Samuel Longfellow’s biography of his poet-brother (1829). No clear explanation of its origin has been found, though it seems likely the term is related to the matted, tangled branches of the hurrah bush. S. W. Mitchell in an 1889 issue of Century Magazine parenthetically defined a hurrah’s nest as:

By that time, however, the expression had already attained its figurative meaning.

kettle of fish A confusing, topsy-turvy state of affairs; a predicament; a contretemps. Literal use of this originally British expression refers to the kettle of fish served at a riverside picnic, and by extension, to the picnic itself.

Some believe that kettle is a corruption of kiddle ‘a net placed in a river to catch fish.’ However, neither this suggestion nor the many other theories offered to account for the figurative use of kettle offish are plausible.

Fine, pretty, nice, and rare are frequently heard in describing kettle of fish. Ironic use of these adjectives serves to highlight the implied confusion and disorderliness.

make a hash of To botch, spoil, or make an unholy mess of. Hash is literally a hodgepodge of foods cooked together. By extension, it applies to any incongruous combination of things; and carried one step further, make a hash of is to inadvertently create a confused chaotic mess in an attempt to deal with the particulars of a situation or plan.

mare’s nest A state of confusion or disarray; a spurious and illusionary discovery. A mare’s nest would indeed be a bogus discovery since horses do not display nesting habits.

Perhaps as an allusion to the bewilderment which would accompany the finding of a mare’s nest, the expression now denotes a jumbled or chaotic state of affairs.

no man’s land An area, literal or figurative, not under man’s control; a scene of chaos or disorder; a desolate, hostile, or uninhabitable tract of land.

The expression is used in a similar sense to describe a land area sandwiched between two contending armies. Recently, however, no man’s land acquired the new figurative meaning of a sphere of human undertaking marked by complexity and confusion.

out of joint Disordered, confused; out of kilter. In literal use, this phrase describes a dislocated bone. Figuratively, out of joint applies to operations, conditions, and formerly, to individuals in relation to their behavior. The phrase has been in print since the early 15th century, and is especially well known from Shakespeare’s Hamlet:

pell-mell See IMPETUOUSNESS.

the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing Confusion, disorder, disarray. Now used derogatorily to indicate a lack of coordination, organization, or direction, in its original New Testament context (with hands reversed) the phrase denoted a desirable state. In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells His listeners not to broadcast their good deeds, but to keep them to themselves:

The current meaning apparently stems from the fact that in different circumstances keeping something to one-self is undesirable, leading to a lack of communication, which in turn brings on chaos, confusion, and disorganization.

topsy-turvy Upside-down, helter-skelter, in a state of utter confusion and disarray. The expression appeared in Shakespeare’s I Henry IV:

Although the expression is of obscure origin, etymologists have conjectured that its original form was topside, turna-way, from which evolved topside-turvy, and then finally topsy-turvy. The modern form, dating from 1528, retains its figurative meaning of dislocation or chaos.