See Also: DIFFICULTY, FOOLISHNESS, FUTILITY, IMPOSSIBILITY, USELESSNESS

1. Absurd as a monkey in a dinner jacket —Anon
2. Absurd as an excuse —Anon
3. Absurd … as expecting a drowning man to laugh —German proverb

   Time and use often transform proverbs into similes. In this case, the original proverb was “A fool will laugh when he is drowning.”

4. Absurd as hiring a street vendor to run a major corporation —Anon
5. Absurd as looking for hot water under the ice —Latin proverb
6. Absurd as mathematics without numbers —Anon
7. Absurd as to expect a harvest in the dead of winter —Robert South
8. Absurd as to instruct a rooster in the laying of eggs —H. L. Mencken
9. Absurd as … to put bread in a cold oven —Latin proverb
10. Absurd as … to put water in a basket —Danish proverb
11. Absurd as trying to drink from a colander —Latin proverb
12. Absurd … like baking snow in the oven —German proverb

    The simile has evolved from “He baked snow in the oven.”

13. Absurd … like jumping into the water for fear of the rain —French proverb
14. Absurd, like using a guillotine to cure dandruff —Clare Booth Luce
15. Absurd … like vowing never to be sick again —Lynne Sharon Schwartz
16. As logical as trying to put out a fire with applications of kerosene —Tallulah Bankhead
17. Attending the Gerald R. Ford Symposium on Humor and the Presidency is sort of like attending the Ayatollah Khomeini Symposium on the sexual revolution —Pat Paulsen, at September 19, 1986 symposium in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
18. Bizarre and a little disconcerting, like finding out that the Mona Lisa was a WAC —Jonathan Valin
19. (His … ) body so sleek with health, that his talk of death seemed ludicrous, like the description of a funeral by a painted clown —Christopher Isherwood
20. Comparing [Ronald] Reagan with [Franklin D.] Roosevelt is like comparing Charles Schulz [“Peanuts” cartoonist] to Rembrandt —Mike Sommer
21. Incongruous as a mouse dancing with an elephant —Anon
22. Incongruous as a priest going out with a prostitute —Anon
23. Looks as well as a diamond necklace about a sow’s neck —H. G. Bohn’s Handbook of Proverbs
24. Makes about as much sense … as it would to put army shoes on a … French poodle —William Diehl
25. Ridiculous as monkeys reading books —Delmore Schwartz
26. Stupid and awkward, like chimpanzees dressed up in formal gowns —Scott Spencer

    See Also: AWKWARDNESS

27. That’s absurd, like Castro calling Tito a dictator —John Wainwright
28. You just can’t go around thinking that McDonald’s food is going to be steaming hot. It’s like expecting the hamburger to be served on a French roll —Ann Beattie